A few years ago I had the chance to do good and help someone but for selfish and financial reasons chose not to. I was tutoring a student at that time and the security guard at the condominium asked if I could help tutor his daughter mathematics. After meeting him and his family at his house, we discussed about the fee and after coming to an agreement at a certain amount, he said he will call me back to confirm. Later, he called to say it was not possible as the fee was high for him and I was firm not to accept anything less because as I was tutoring by the hourly rate at that time, time was money as they say, and what went on in my head was, if I accepted this student, I will not have time for another student that will pay more. Thinking back now, I wish I had just offered a few free lessons on the basics at least to get her going. But I was really hard strapped for cash back then and earning just enough to pay the bills.

Which brings me back to my first few days of school. When I was still in primary school, my daddy would sometimes bring me to school on his motorbike especially at the start of the year. I was still small then and would be sitting in front with my legs in the basket. When he dropped me at the school gates, he would give me 20 sens as pocket money for the day. He would then tell me, if I see someone with no money to eat, then I should give 10 sens to that boy. And later he would say the same thing as I progressed through the school years but not that he would tell it all the time, maybe once in a very long while. I guess it stuck to this day, and come to think of it, why not just try to help and do good whenever and wherever possible.

In the same year or maybe the next, some time after I turned down the chance to do good by helping out the security guard's daughter, there came another chance to do something. While I was sitting in my car in the ferry to go home, an old man knocked on my window and asked if I can give him a ride home. No one usually does that in the ferry but I said ok for no good reason. He said he had a bad leg and was on his way home from a periodic medical checkup for some condition. He told me where to drop him and I said sure, even though it was out of the usual route I took home but it's also not that far off. So we chatted for a bit and by the time we almost reached his place, he asked if I was of a certain religion, and I said no. Later, I figured out it must be because I addressed him as 'brother' despite him being more than twice my age. Funny how certain ways of addressing people can have religious connotations.

I may not be religious but it also doesn't mean that I'm a free thinker. Despite growing up in the Siamese Buddhist traditions, (although running and playing around wat grounds may not necessarily be construed as a religious upbringing, hehe, there were also times of sitting silently bored during chanting sessions by the monks when there are certain ceremonies) right now though, I'm just a person hoping to do some good in whatever means possible with my limited abilities. Not so much karma, or hoping for anything in return but because I feel so somehow, that this year should not be about me. Let's forget about me and see what comes my way.